朋友迟到了，你会生气吗

大dà家jiā好hǎo，欢huān迎yíng来lái到dào Mandarinpod，我wǒ是shì周zhōu扬yáng。

Hi everyone, welcome to Mandarinpod. I'm Zhou Yang.

大dà家jiā好hǎo，我wǒ是shì马mǎ丽lì。今jīn天tiān我wǒ们men要yào聊liáo一yí个gè特tè别bié生shēng活huó化huà的de话huà题tí，而ér且qiě我wǒ觉jué得de不bù管guǎn你nǐ住zhù在zài哪nǎ个ge国guó家jiā，应yīng该gāi都dōu遇yù到dào过guò类lèi似sì的de情qíng况kuàng。

Hi everyone, I'm Ma Li. Today we're talking about a very everyday topic, and I think no matter what country you live in, you've probably run into something like it.

没méi错cuò。今jīn天tiān的de话huà题tí是shì：朋péng友yǒu迟chí到dào了le，你nǐ会huì生shēng气qì吗ma？

Exactly. Today's topic is: if a friend is late, do you get angry?

我wǒ先xiān回huí答dá，会huì。

I'll answer first. Yes, I do.

这zhè么me快kuài？都dōu不bú用yòng想xiǎng一yí下xià？

That fast? You don't even need to think about it?

不bú用yòng想xiǎng。因yīn为wèi我wǒ这zhè个ge人rén时shí间jiān观guān念niàn比bǐ较jiào强qiáng，如rú果guǒ我wǒ跟gēn别bié人rén约yuē好hǎo了le几jǐ点diǎn见jiàn面miàn，我wǒ一yì般bān都dū会huì提tí前qián几jǐ分fēn钟zhōng到dào。所suǒ以yǐ如rú果guǒ对duì方fāng迟chí到dào了le，而ér且qiě什shén么me都dōu没méi说shuō，我wǒ真zhēn的de会huì有yǒu一yì点diǎn儿ér不bù高gāo兴xìng。

No need. I'm pretty strict about time. If I agree to meet someone at a certain time, I usually arrive a few minutes early. So if the other person is late and doesn't say anything, I really do get a little upset.

那nà我wǒ先xiān问wèn清qīng楚chǔ，迟chí到dào五wǔ分fēn钟zhōng你nǐ也yě会huì生shēng气qì吗ma？

Let me ask first: would you get angry over five minutes?

五wǔ分fēn钟zhōng当dāng然rán不bú会huì。大dà家jiā出chū门mén都dū会huì遇yù到dào一yì些xiē小xiǎo情qíng况kuàng，比bǐ如rú等děng电diàn梯tī、找zhǎo停tíng车chē位wèi、地dì铁tiě刚gāng好hǎo没méi赶gǎn上shàng，这zhè些xiē我wǒ都dōu可kě以yǐ理lǐ解jiě。

Of course not over five minutes. Everyone runs into little things when they head out, like waiting for the elevator, finding parking, or just missing the subway. I can understand those.

那nà十shí分fēn钟zhōng呢ne？

What about ten minutes?

十shí分fēn钟zhōng开kāi始shǐ有yǒu一yì点diǎn感gǎn觉jué了le，不bú过guò还hái是shì可kě以yǐ接jiē受shòu。

At ten minutes I start to feel something, but it's still acceptable.

十shí五wǔ分fēn钟zhōng？

Fifteen minutes?

我wǒ可kě能néng会huì开kāi始shǐ看kàn手shǒu机jī，想xiǎng这zhè个ge人rén到dào底dǐ到dào哪nǎ儿ér了le。

I might start looking at my phone, wondering where this person actually is.

半bàn个gè小xiǎo时shí呢ne？

Half an hour?

半bàn个gè小xiǎo时shí的de话huà，那nà就jiù不bù能néng只zhǐ是shì安ān静jìng地dì出chū现xiàn了le。你nǐ最zuì好hǎo给gěi我wǒ一yí个gè比bǐ较jiào合hé理lǐ的de解jiě释shì。

At half an hour, you can't just quietly show up. You'd better give me a reasonable explanation.

听tīng起qǐ来lái跟gēn你nǐ做zuò朋péng友yǒu压yā力lì还hái挺tǐng大dà的de。

Sounds like being your friend is pretty stressful.

为wèi什shén么me？

Why?

因yīn为wèi如rú果guǒ我wǒ们men约yuē下xià午wǔ三sān点diǎn见jiàn面miàn，我wǒ两liǎng点diǎn五wǔ十shí八bā分fēn到dào，我wǒ可kě能néng都dū会huì觉jué得de自zì己jǐ已yǐ经jīng迟chí到dào了le。

Because if we planned to meet at three in the afternoon and I arrived at 2:58, I might still feel like I was late.

那nà不bú是shì挺tǐng好hǎo吗ma？说shuō明míng你nǐ受shòu到dào了le我wǒ的de积jī极jí影yǐng响xiǎng。

Isn't that a good thing? It shows I've had a positive influence on you.

我wǒ不bù觉jué得dé这zhè是shì积jī极jí影yǐng响xiǎng，我wǒ觉jué得de这zhè是shì时shí间jiān压yā力lì。

I don't think it's a positive influence. I think it's time pressure.

所suǒ以yǐ你nǐ觉jué得de朋péng友yǒu迟chí到dào没méi什shén么me？

So you think a friend being late is no big deal?

我wǒ觉jué得de还hái是shì要yào看kàn情qíng况kuàng。比bǐ如rú一yí个gè朋péng友yǒu偶ǒu尔ěr迟chí到dào十shí分fēn钟zhōng，我wǒ真zhēn的de不bú会huì在zài意yì。每měi个gè人rén都dōu有yǒu可kě能néng遇yù到dào堵dǔ车chē，或huò者zhě临lín时shí有yǒu点diǎn事shì情qíng，我wǒ觉jué得de朋péng友yǒu之zhī间jiān不bú用yòng把bǎ时shí间jiān算suàn得dé那nà么me精jīng确què。

I think it depends on the situation. For example, if a friend is occasionally ten minutes late, I really don't mind. Anyone can get stuck in traffic or have something come up, and I don't think friends need to count time so precisely.

你nǐ看kàn，你nǐ刚gāng才cái说shuō的de是shì“偶ǒu尔ěr”。如rú果guǒ一yí个gè人rén每měi次cì都dōu迟chí到dào呢ne？

See, you just said "occasionally." What if someone is late every time?

那nà确què实shí不bù一yí样yàng。偶ǒu尔ěr迟chí到dào和hé习xí惯guàn性xìng迟chí到dào完wán全quán是shì两liǎng回huí事shì。

That's definitely different. Being occasionally late and being habitually late are two completely different things.

对duì，我wǒ最zuì不bù能néng接jiē受shòu的de其qí实shí不bú是shì迟chí到dào本běn身shēn，而ér是shì有yǒu些xiē人rén每měi次cì都dōu迟chí到dào，而ér且qiě他tā们men好hǎo像xiàng完wán全quán不bù觉jué得dé这zhè是shì一yí件jiàn需xū要yào注zhù意yì的de事shì情qíng。

Right. What I really can't accept isn't the lateness itself, but people who are late every time and seem to think it's not something they need to pay attention to at all.

这zhè个ge我wǒ同tóng意yì。如rú果guǒ一yí个gè人rén每měi次cì见jiàn面miàn都dōu让ràng别bié人rén等děng二èr十shí分fēn钟zhōng、半bàn个gè小xiǎo时shí，时shí间jiān长cháng了le以yǐ后hòu，别bié人rén可kě能néng会huì觉jué得de，你nǐ不bú是shì时shí间jiān观guān念niàn不bù好hǎo，而ér是shì你nǐ根gēn本běn不bú重zhòng视shì我wǒ的de时shí间jiān。

I agree with that. If someone makes others wait twenty minutes or half an hour every time you meet, after a while people may feel that it's not that you're bad with time, it's that you don't value my time at all.

没méi错cuò。我wǒ觉jué得de“重zhòng视shì别bié人rén的de时shí间jiān”这zhè件jiàn事shì很hěn重zhòng要yào。因yīn为wèi见jiàn面miàn不bú是shì只zhǐ有yǒu你nǐ一yí个gè人rén在zài安ān排pái时shí间jiān，对duì方fāng也yě可kě能néng提tí前qián结jié束shù工gōng作zuò，或huò者zhě早zǎo点diǎn出chū门mén，就jiù是shì为wèi了le准zhǔn时shí到dào。

Exactly. I think "respecting other people's time" is really important. When you meet, you're not the only one arranging your schedule. The other person may have finished work early or left home early just to be on time.

这zhè么me一yì说shuō，我wǒ突tū然rán想xiǎng起qǐ以yǐ前qián有yǒu一yí次cì，我wǒ等děng一yí个gè朋péng友yǒu等děng了le一yí个gè多duō小xiǎo时shí。

Hearing that, I suddenly remembered a time when I waited for a friend for over an hour.

一yí个gè多duō小xiǎo时shí？你nǐ居jū然rán没méi走zǒu？

Over an hour? You didn't leave?

那nà时shí候hòu比bǐ较jiào年nián轻qīng，也yě比bǐ较jiào有yǒu耐nài心xīn。

I was younger then, and more patient.

你nǐ现xiàn在zài说shuō得de好hǎo像xiàng自zì己jǐ已yǐ经jīng八bā十shí岁suì了le。

You make it sound like you're already eighty.

现xiàn在zài我wǒ更gèng珍zhēn惜xī时shí间jiān了le。以yǐ前qián我wǒ遇yù到dào这zhè种zhǒng情qíng况kuàng，会huì一yì直zhí想xiǎng“没méi事shì，再zài等děng等děng吧ba，他tā应yīng该gāi快kuài到dào了le”。现xiàn在zài如rú果guǒ有yǒu人rén让ràng我wǒ等děng一yí个gè小xiǎo时shí，而ér且qiě中zhōng间jiān也yě不bù联lián系xì我wǒ，我wǒ可kě能néng直zhí接jiē就jiù走zǒu了le。

I value my time more now. Back then, in that situation, I'd keep thinking, "It's fine, let's wait a bit more, he should be almost here." Now, if someone makes me wait an hour and doesn't contact me in the meantime, I might just leave.

那nà个ge人rén为wéi什shén么me迟chí到dào？

Why was that person late?

他tā说shuō堵dǔ车chē。

He said traffic.

听tīng起qǐ来lái还hái挺tǐng正zhèng常cháng。

That sounds pretty normal.

一yì开kāi始shǐ我wǒ也yě这zhè么me觉jué得de。后hòu来lái聊liáo天tiān的de时shí候hòu我wǒ才cái知zhī道dào，他tā住zhù的de地dì方fāng离lí我wǒ们men见jiàn面miàn的de地dì方fāng其qí实shí只zhǐ有yǒu十shí几jǐ分fēn钟zhōng。

I thought so at first too. Later, when we were chatting, I found out he lived only about ten-some minutes from where we were meeting.

那nà他tā到dào底dǐ堵dǔ在zài哪nǎ里lǐ？

So where exactly was he stuck?

我wǒ后hòu来lái也yě问wèn了le。他tā很hěn诚chéng实shí，说shuō自zì己jǐ堵dǔ在zài家jiā门mén口kǒu。

I asked about that later too. He was honest and said he was stuck at his front door.

什shén么me意yì思si？

What do you mean?

意yì思si就jiù是shì，约yuē好hǎo的de时shí间jiān已yǐ经jīng到dào了le，他tā还hái没méi出chū门mén。

I mean the time we'd agreed on had already come, and he still hadn't left the house.

那nà我wǒ真zhēn的de会huì生shēng气qì。堵dǔ车chē是shì没méi有yǒu办bàn法fǎ控kòng制zhì的de，但dàn是shì你nǐ还hái没méi出chū门mén，这zhè就jiù不bú是shì堵dǔ车chē的de问wèn题tí了le。

Then I'd really be angry. You can't control traffic, but if you haven't even left the house, that's not a traffic problem.

对duì。所suǒ以yǐ后hòu来lái我wǒ发fā现xiàn，我wǒ能néng不bu能néng接jiē受shòu一yí个gè人rén迟chí到dào，跟gēn他tā迟chí到dào多duō久jiǔ有yǒu关guān系xì，但dàn更gèng重zhòng要yào的de是shì他tā的de态tài度dù。

Right. So I later realized that whether I can accept someone being late has something to do with how late they are, but even more with their attitude.

这zhè点diǎn我wǒ非fēi常cháng同tóng意yì。如rú果guǒ你nǐ知zhī道dào自zì己jǐ要yào迟chí到dào了le，提tí前qián告gào诉sù我wǒ，我wǒ一yì般bān不bú会huì太tài生shēng气qì。比bǐ如rú你nǐ说shuō：“不bù好hǎo意yì思sī，我wǒ这zhè边biān有yǒu点diǎn堵dǔ，可kě能néng会huì晚wǎn到dào十shí分fēn钟zhōng。”至zhì少shǎo我wǒ知zhī道dào发fā生shēng了le什shén么me，也yě可kě以yǐ自zì己jǐ找zhǎo个gè地dì方fāng坐zuò下xià来lái等děng。

I totally agree. If you know you're going to be late and tell me ahead of time, I usually don't get too upset. Like if you say, "Sorry, there's some traffic on my end, I might be ten minutes late." At least I know what's going on, and I can find somewhere to sit and wait.

最zuì让ràng人rén难nán受shòu的de是shì，对duì方fāng什shén么me都dōu不bù说shuō。你nǐ已yǐ经jīng到dào了le，然rán后hòu一yì直zhí等děng，一yì边biān等děng一yì边biān看kàn手shǒu机jī，心xīn里lǐ还hái会huì想xiǎng，他tā是shì不bu是shì忘wàng了le，还hái是shì出chū了le什shén么me事shì情qíng。

The worst part is when the other person says nothing. You're already there, and you just keep waiting, looking at your phone, wondering if they forgot or if something happened.

对duì。结jié果guǒ等děng了le二èr十shí分fēn钟zhōng以yǐ后hòu，你nǐ给gěi他tā发fā消xiāo息xī，他tā告gào诉sù你nǐ：“快kuài了le快kuài了le。”

Right. Then after twenty minutes, you text them, and they tell you, "Almost there, almost there."

这zhè句jù话huà很hěn危wēi险xiǎn。

That sentence is dangerous.

真zhēn的de。“快kuài了le快kuài了le”到dào底dǐ有yǒu多duō快kuài，没méi有yǒu人rén知zhī道dào。

Totally. How soon is "almost there"? Nobody knows.

有yǒu时shí候hòu是shì真zhēn的de还hái有yǒu五wǔ分fēn钟zhōng。

Sometimes it really is five more minutes.

有yǒu时shí候hòu还hái有yǒu二èr十shí分fēn钟zhōng。

Sometimes it's twenty more minutes.

有yǒu时shí候hòu甚shèn至zhì还hái没méi穿chuān鞋xié。

Sometimes they haven't even put their shoes on yet.

我wǒ真zhēn的de遇yù到dào过guò类lèi似sì的de事shì情qíng。有yǒu一yí次cì我wǒ跟gēn一yí个gè朋péng友yǒu约yuē晚wǎn上shàng六liù点diǎn见jiàn面miàn，六liù点diǎn十shí分fēn的de时shí候hòu她tā还hái没méi来lái，我wǒ就jiù给gěi她tā发fā消xiāo息xī，问wèn她tā到dào哪nǎ儿ér了le。

I've actually had something like that happen. One time I arranged to meet a friend at six in the evening. At ten past six she still wasn't there, so I texted her to ask where she was.

她tā怎zěn么me说shuō？

What did she say?

她tā说shuō：“快kuài了le快kuài了le，你nǐ再zài等děng我wǒ一yí下xià。”

She said, "Almost there, wait for me a bit more."

听tīng起qǐ来lái应yīng该gāi已yǐ经jīng在zài路lù上shàng了le。

Sounds like she was already on the way.

我wǒ当dāng时shí也yě是shì这zhè么me想xiǎng的de。结jié果guǒ六liù点diǎn半bàn，我wǒ又yòu问wèn她tā在zài哪nǎ里lǐ，她tā说shuō：“我wǒ刚gāng洗xǐ完wán头tóu。”

That's what I thought too. Then at six thirty I asked her where she was again, and she said, "I just finished washing my hair."

哈hā哈hā，那nà确què实shí有yǒu点diǎn离lí谱pǔ。

Haha, that's pretty ridiculous.

我wǒ当dāng时shí真zhēn的de不bù知zhī道dào应yīng该gāi说shuō什shén么me。我wǒ们men约yuē的de是shì六liù点diǎn，已yǐ经jīng六liù点diǎn半bàn了le，她tā还hái在zài家jiā里lǐ。

I honestly didn't know what to say. We'd agreed on six, it was already six thirty, and she was still at home.

那nà她tā最zuì后hòu几jǐ点diǎn到dào的de？

So what time did she finally arrive?

七qī点diǎn左zuǒ右yòu。

Around seven.

整zhěng整zhěng迟chí到dào一yí个gè小xiǎo时shí。

A whole hour late.

对duì。她tā见jiàn到dào我wǒ以yǐ后hòu就jiù说shuō了le一yí句jù：“不bù好hǎo意yì思sī啊a。”

Yeah. When she saw me, all she said was, "Sorry about that."

就jiù这zhè样yàng？

That's it?

就jiù这zhè样yàng，所suǒ以yǐ我wǒ当dāng时shí还hái是shì挺tǐng生shēng气qì的de。因yīn为wèi我wǒ觉jué得de迟chí到dào一yí个gè小xiǎo时shí，如rú果guǒ只zhǐ是shì轻qīng轻qīng地dì说shuō一yí句jù“不bù好hǎo意yì思sī”，感gǎn觉jué好hǎo像xiàng这zhè件jiàn事shì情qíng并bìng不bú重zhòng要yào。

That's it, so I was still pretty angry. Because if you're an hour late and just casually say "sorry," it feels like it's not a big deal.

那nà你nǐ后hòu来lái怎zěn么me没méi有yǒu跟gēn她tā吵chǎo架jià？

So why didn't you end up fighting with her?

因yīn为wèi第dì二èr天tiān她tā专zhuān门mén给gěi我wǒ发fā了le一yí段duàn消xiāo息xī，很hěn认rèn真zhēn地dì跟gēn我wǒ道dào歉qiàn。她tā说shuō：“昨zuó天tiān真zhēn的de很hěn抱bào歉qiàn，我wǒ没méi有yǒu安ān排pái好hǎo时shí间jiān，让ràng你nǐ等děng了le那nà么me久jiǔ。以yǐ后hòu我wǒ会huì注zhù意yì。”

Because the next day she sent me a message specifically to apologize, very sincerely. She said, "I'm really sorry about yesterday. I didn't plan my time well and made you wait so long. I'll be more careful in the future."

这zhè个ge道dào歉qiàn就jiù不bù一yí样yàng了le。

That apology is different.

对duì。我wǒ觉jué得de真zhēn正zhèng的de道dào歉qiàn不bù一yí定dìng要yào说shuō很hěn多duō话huà，但dàn是shì至zhì少shǎo要yào让ràng对duì方fāng感gǎn觉jué到dào，你nǐ知zhī道dào自zì己jǐ给gěi别bié人rén带dài来lái了le麻má烦fán。

Right. I think a real apology doesn't have to be long, but it should at least make the other person feel that you know you caused them trouble.

那nà你nǐ当dāng时shí怎zěn么me回huí复fù？

So how did you reply then?

我wǒ说shuō：“算suàn了le，下xià次cì注zhù意yì。”

I said, "Forget it, just be careful next time."

“算suàn了le”这zhè个ge表biǎo达dá很hěn有yǒu意yì思si。它tā有yǒu时shí候hòu听tīng起qǐ来lái像xiàng“没méi关guān系xì”，但dàn是shì又yòu没méi有yǒu“没méi关guān系xì”那nà么me轻qīng松sōng。

"算了" is an interesting expression. Sometimes it sounds like "no problem," but it's not as relaxed as "no problem."

对duì。如rú果guǒ我wǒ说shuō“没méi关guān系xì”，通tōng常cháng说shuō明míng我wǒ真zhēn的de不bú太tài在zài意yì了le。但dàn如rú果guǒ我wǒ说shuō“算suàn了le”，有yǒu时shí候hòu其qí实shí代dài表biǎo我wǒ还hái有yǒu一yì点diǎn不bù高gāo兴xìng，只zhǐ是shì我wǒ不bù想xiǎng继jì续xù说shuō这zhè件jiàn事shì了le。

Right. If I say "没关系," it usually means I really don't mind anymore. But if I say "算了," sometimes it actually means I'm still a little unhappy, I just don't want to keep talking about it.

比bǐ如rú朋péng友yǒu说shuō：“对duì不bù起qǐ，我wǒ忘wàng记jì把bǎ东dōng西xī带dài给gěi你nǐ了le。”

For example, a friend says, "Sorry, I forgot to bring you that thing."

你nǐ可kě以yǐ说shuō：“算suàn了le，下xià次cì记jì得de就jiù行xíng。”

You can say, "Forget it, just remember next time."

意yì思si就jiù是shì，这zhè件jiàn事shì情qíng到dào这zhè里lǐ结jié束shù了le，我wǒ不bú继jì续xù追zhuī究jiū。

It means the matter ends here, and I won't pursue it.

但dàn是shì如rú果guǒ一yí个gè人rén叹tàn着zhe气qì说shuō：“算suàn了le算suàn了le。”

But if someone says with a sigh, "Forget it, forget it."

那nà气qì氛fēn就jiù完wán全quán不bù一yí样yàng了le。

Then the mood is completely different.

对duì。这zhè个ge时shí候hòu最zuì好hǎo不bú要yào以yǐ为wéi对duì方fāng真zhēn的de完wán全quán没méi事shì了le，他tā可kě能néng只zhǐ是shì懒lǎn得de继jì续xù说shuō。

Right. At that point, it's best not to assume the person is totally fine. They may just not feel like talking about it anymore.

那nà如rú果guǒ别bié人rén跟gēn你nǐ道dào歉qiàn，你nǐ最zuì常cháng说shuō什shén么me？

So when someone apologizes to you, what do you usually say?

如rú果guǒ真zhēn的de不bú是shì什shén么me大dà事shì，我wǒ会huì说shuō“没méi事shì”或huò者zhě“没méi关guān系xì”。

If it's really not a big deal, I'll say "没事" or "没关系."

比bǐ如rú“不bù好hǎo意yì思sī，我wǒ迟chí到dào了le。”

For example, "Sorry, I'm late."

“没méi事shì，我wǒ也yě刚gāng到dào。”

"It's okay, I just got here too."

这zhè句jù话huà很hěn经jīng典diǎn。

That's a classic line.

但dàn是shì大dà家jiā要yào注zhù意yì，有yǒu时shí候hòu“我wǒ也yě刚gāng到dào”不bù一yí定dìng是shì真zhēn的de刚gāng到dào。

But listeners, note that sometimes "I just got here too" doesn't mean they really just got here.

有yǒu可kě能néng已yǐ经jīng等děng了le十shí五wǔ分fēn钟zhōng。

They might have already waited fifteen minutes.

对duì。有yǒu些xiē人rén这zhè么me说shuō只zhǐ是shì为wèi了le让ràng对duì方fāng别bié那nà么me尴gān尬gà。尤yóu其qí是shì朋péng友yǒu已yǐ经jīng一yí路lù跑pǎo过guò来lái，不bù停tíng地dì说shuō对duì不bù起qǐ，这zhè时shí候hòu你nǐ可kě能néng会huì说shuō：“没méi事shì没méi事shì，我wǒ也yě刚gāng到dào。”

Right. Some people say it just so the other person won't feel so awkward. Especially when your friend has run all the way here and keeps saying sorry, you might say, "It's fine, it's fine, I just got here too."

这zhè其qí实shí也yě是shì一yì种zhǒng礼lǐ貌mào。

That's actually a kind of politeness too.

不bú过guò如rú果guǒ我wǒ已yǐ经jīng等děng了le四sì十shí分fēn钟zhōng，我wǒ肯kěn定dìng不bú会huì说shuō“我wǒ也yě刚gāng到dào”。

But if I'd already waited forty minutes, I definitely wouldn't say "I just got here too."

那nà你nǐ会huì说shuō什shén么me？

Then what would you say?

“你nǐ终zhōng于yú来lái了le。”

"You're finally here."

这zhè句jù话huà也yě很hěn有yǒu画huà面miàn感gǎn。

That line paints a vivid picture too.

而ér且qiě要yào看kàn语yǔ气qì。如rú果guǒ我wǒ是shì笑xiào着zhe说shuō：“你nǐ终zhōng于yú来lái了le！”那nà可kě能néng只zhǐ是shì开kāi个gè玩wán笑xiào。

And it depends on the tone. If I say it with a smile, "You're finally here!", it might just be a joke.

但dàn如rú果guǒ面miàn无wú表biǎo情qíng地dì说shuō：“你nǐ终zhōng于yú来lái了le。”

But if you say it with a straight face: "You're finally here."

那nà对duì方fāng最zuì好hǎo马mǎ上shàng道dào歉qiàn。

Then the other person had better apologize right away.

所suǒ以yǐ说shuō，学xué中zhōng文wén不bù只zhǐ是shì学xué词cí，语yǔ气qì也yě很hěn重zhòng要yào。

So learning Chinese isn't just about learning words. Tone matters a lot too.

没méi错cuò。同tóng样yàng一yí句jù话huà，用yòng不bù同tóng的de语yǔ气qì说shuō出chū来lái，感gǎn觉jué可kě能néng完wán全quán不bù一yí样yàng。

Exactly. The same sentence can feel completely different depending on the tone.

我wǒ觉jué得de还hái有yǒu一yì种zhǒng情qíng况kuàng，就jiù是shì有yǒu些xiē人rén对duì时shí间jiān的de感gǎn觉jué真zhēn的de不bú太tài准zhǔn确què。他tā觉jué得de洗xǐ澡zǎo只zhǐ需xū要yào五wǔ分fēn钟zhōng，结jié果guǒ洗xǐ了le二èr十shí分fēn钟zhōng；他tā觉jué得de从cóng家jiā走zǒu到dào地dì铁tiě站zhàn只zhǐ要yào三sān分fēn钟zhōng，实shí际jì上shàng要yào走zǒu十shí分fēn钟zhōng。

I think there's another situation, which is that some people really don't have an accurate sense of time. They think a shower takes five minutes, but it takes twenty. They think walking from home to the subway takes three minutes, but it actually takes ten.

还hái有yǒu的de人rén总zǒng觉jué得de“马mǎ上shàng就jiù能néng出chū门mén”，可kě是shì说shuō完wán这zhè句jù话huà以yǐ后hòu，还hái要yào找zhǎo手shǒu机jī、找zhǎo钥yào匙shi、换huàn衣yī服fú，最zuì后hòu二èr十shí分fēn钟zhōng过guò去qù了le。

And some people always think they can "head out right now," but after saying that, they still have to find their phone, find their keys, change clothes, and in the end twenty minutes have passed.

所suǒ以yǐ这zhè跟gēn时shí间jiān观guān念niàn有yǒu关guān系xì。有yǒu的de人rén时shí间jiān观guān念niàn比bǐ较jiào强qiáng，他tā们men会huì提tí前qián想xiǎng好hǎo从cóng家jiā到dào见jiàn面miàn的de地dì方fāng需xū要yào多duō久jiǔ；有yǒu的de人rén就jiù比bǐ较jiào随suí意yì，觉jué得de晚wǎn十shí分fēn钟zhōng、二èr十shí分fēn钟zhōng没méi什shén么me。

So it has to do with your sense of time. Some people have a stronger sense of time and work out beforehand how long it takes to get from home to the meeting place. Others are more casual and think ten or twenty minutes late is no big deal.

而ér且qiě我wǒ觉jué得de这zhè件jiàn事shì跟gēn环huán境jìng和hé文wén化huà也yě有yǒu关guān系xì。在zài不bù同tóng的de地dì方fāng，人rén们men对duì“准zhǔn时shí”的de理lǐ解jiě可kě能néng不bù完wán全quán一yí样yàng。有yǒu的de地dì方fāng约yuē七qī点diǎn，大dà家jiā会huì觉jué得de七qī点diǎn左zuǒ右yòu到dào都dōu可kě以yǐ；有yǒu的de地dì方fāng则zé会huì认rèn为wéi七qī点diǎn就jiù是shì七qī点diǎn，最zuì好hǎo不bú要yào晚wǎn。

And I think it's also related to environment and culture. In different places, people may understand "on time" differently. In some places, if you arrange to meet at seven, arriving around seven is fine. In others, seven means seven, and it's best not to be late.

不bú过guò如rú果guǒ是shì工gōng作zuò场chǎng合hé，我wǒ觉jué得de还hái是shì尽jǐn量liàng准zhǔn时shí比bǐ较jiào好hǎo。

But in a work setting, I think it's still better to be on time as much as possible.

当dāng然rán。尤yóu其qí是shì面miàn试shì、会huì议yì，或huò者zhě第dì一yī次cì见jiàn客kè户hù，如rú果guǒ迟chí到dào，很hěn容róng易yì给gěi别bié人rén留liú下xià不bú太tài好hǎo的de印yìn象xiàng。因yīn为wèi别bié人rén可kě能néng会huì觉jué得de，你nǐ不bú够gòu重zhòng视shì这zhè次cì见jiàn面miàn。

Of course. Especially for interviews, meetings, or meeting a client for the first time, being late can easily leave a bad impression, because people may feel you don't take the meeting seriously.

对duì。所suǒ以yǐ朋péng友yǒu之zhī间jiān可kě以yǐ稍shāo微wēi轻qīng松sōng一yì点diǎn，但dàn正zhèng式shì场chǎng合hé还hái是shì要yào更gèng注zhù意yì时shí间jiān。那nà如rú果guǒ真zhēn的de迟chí到dào了le，应yīng该gāi怎zěn么me说shuō比bǐ较jiào自zì然rán？

Right. So friends can be a bit more relaxed, but in formal situations you need to pay more attention to time. So if you're really late, what's a natural way to say it?

最zuì简jiǎn单dān的dí当dàng然rán是shì：“不bù好hǎo意yì思sī，我wǒ迟chí到dào了le。” 如rú果guǒ对duì方fāng已yǐ经jīng等děng了le一yí会huì儿er，可kě以yǐ说shuō：“不bù好hǎo意yì思sī，让ràng你nǐ久jiǔ等děng了le。”如rú果guǒ你nǐ提tí前qián知zhī道dào自zì己jǐ会huì迟chí到dào，也yě可kě以yǐ说shuō：“不bù好hǎo意yì思sī，我wǒ可kě能néng会huì晚wǎn到dào十shí分fēn钟zhōng。”如rú果guǒ确què实shí迟chí到dào了le很hěn久jiǔ，可kě以yǐ认rèn真zhēn一yì点diǎn说shuō：“真zhēn的de很hěn抱bào歉qiàn，让ràng你nǐ等děng了le这zhè么me久jiǔ。”最zuì后hòu再zài加jiā一yí句jù：“下xià次cì我wǒ会huì注zhù意yì。”这zhè样yàng会huì让ràng对duì方fāng感gǎn觉jué你nǐ是shì真zhēn的de把bǎ这zhè件jiàn事shì情qíng放fàng在zài心xīn上shàng了le。

The simplest is of course: "Sorry, I'm late." If the other person has already waited a while, you can say: "Sorry to keep you waiting." If you know ahead of time you'll be late, you can also say: "Sorry, I might be ten minutes late." If you were really very late, you can be more serious: "I'm really sorry for making you wait so long." Then add: "I'll be more careful next time." That makes the other person feel you really took it to heart.

那nà等děng人rén的de人rén可kě以yǐ怎zěn么me回huí答dá？

And how can the person who was waiting respond?

如rú果guǒ不bú在zài意yì，就jiù可kě以yǐ说shuō：“没méi事shì。”、“没méi关guān系xì。”或huò者zhě“没méi事shì，我wǒ也yě刚gāng到dào。”如rú果guǒ有yǒu一yì点diǎn不bù高gāo兴xìng，但dàn是shì愿yuàn意yì接jiē受shòu道dào歉qiàn，就jiù说shuō “算suàn了le，下xià次cì注zhù意yì。”不bú过guò说shuō真zhēn的de，我wǒ觉jué得de朋péng友yǒu之zhī间jiān偶ǒu尔ěr迟chí到dào并bìng不bú是shì特tè别bié严yán重zhòng的de问wèn题tí。我wǒ真zhēn正zhèng介jiè意yì的de是shì，一yí个gè人rén迟chí到dào了le，却què表biǎo现xiàn得de好hǎo像xiàng完wán全quán没méi发fā生shēng什shén么me。

If you don't mind, you can say: "It's fine," "No problem," or "It's fine, I just got here too." If you're a little upset but willing to accept the apology, you say, "Forget it, just be careful next time." But honestly, I don't think occasional lateness between friends is a very serious problem. What I really mind is when someone is late but acts as if nothing happened at all.

所suǒ以yǐ还huán是shì态tài度dù的de问wèn题tí。

So it's still a matter of attitude.

没méi错cuò。如rú果guǒ你nǐ真zhēn的de有yǒu事shì情qíng，提tí前qián告gào诉sù我wǒ，到dào了le以yǐ后hòu也yě认rèn真zhēn道dào个gè歉qiàn，那nà我wǒ通tōng常cháng都dōu可kě以yǐ理lǐ解jiě。

Exactly. If you really have something come up, tell me in advance and apologize sincerely when you arrive, then I can usually understand.

那nà如rú果guǒ一yí个gè人rén发fā现xiàn自zì己jǐ经jīng常cháng迟chí到dào，应yīng该gāi怎zěn么me改gǎi呢ne？

So if someone notices they're often late, how should they change?

首shǒu先xiān，我wǒ觉jué得de最zuì简jiǎn单dān的de方fāng法fǎ就jiù是shì给gěi自zì己jǐ多duō留liú一yì点diǎn时shí间jiān。比bǐ如rú地dì图tú上shàng说shuō路lù上shàng要yào二èr十shí分fēn钟zhōng，你nǐ不bú要yào只zhǐ准zhǔn备bèi二èr十shí分fēn钟zhōng，最zuì好hǎo多duō留liú十shí分fēn钟zhōng，因yīn为wèi你nǐ不bù知zhī道dào路lù上shàng会huì不bu会huì有yǒu别bié的de情qíng况kuàng。还hái有yǒu就jiù是shì不bú要yào太tài相xiāng信xìn自zì己jǐ的de感gǎn觉jué。很hěn多duō经jīng常cháng迟chí到dào的de人rén，总zǒng觉jué得de“还hái有yǒu时shí间jiān”，结jié果guǒ一yí看kàn时shí间jiān，已yǐ经jīng来lái不bù及jí了le。

First, I think the simplest way is to give yourself a bit more time. For example, if the map says the trip takes twenty minutes, don't plan for only twenty. It's best to leave ten extra minutes, because you never know if something will come up on the way. Also, don't trust your own feeling too much. Many people who are often late always feel "there's still time," and then they look at the clock and it's already too late.

那nà今jīn天tiān我wǒ们men聊liáo下xià来lái，好hǎo像xiàng有yǒu了le一yí个gè共gòng同tóng的de结jié论lùn。

So after our chat today, it seems we've reached a shared conclusion.

什shén么me结jié论lùn？

What conclusion?

朋péng友yǒu迟chí到dào，可kě以yǐ生shēng气qì，但dàn是shì要yào看kàn情qíng况kuàng。

When a friend is late, you can get angry, but it depends on the situation.

今jīn天tiān我wǒ们men聊liáo到dào了le很hěn多duō和hé迟chí到dào有yǒu关guān的de表biǎo达dá，比bǐ如rú“迟chí到dào”“准zhǔn时sh픓等děng人rén”“时shí间jiān观guān念niàn”“让ràng你nǐ久jiǔ等děng了le”“没méi关guān系x씓没méi事sh씓算suàn了le”“下xià次cì注zhù意yì”。

Today we talked about a lot of expressions related to being late, such as "迟到" (be late), "准时" (on time), "等人" (wait for someone), "时间观念" (sense of time), "让你久等了" (sorry to keep you waiting), "没关系" (no problem), "没事" (it's fine), "算了" (forget it), and "下次注意" (be careful next time).

还hái有yǒu一yí句jù特tè别bié常cháng见jiàn，但dàn有yǒu时shí候hòu也yě特tè别bié危wēi险xiǎn的de话huà。

There's also one phrase that's very common but sometimes very dangerous.

“我wǒ快kuài到dào了le。”如rú果guǒ你nǐ的de朋péng友yǒu说shuō“我wǒ快kuài到dào了le”，你nǐ也yě许xǔ可kě以yǐ再zài问wèn一yí句jù：“你nǐ现xiàn在zài到dào底dǐ在zài哪nǎ儿ér？”说shuō不bú定dìng他tā还hái在zài找zhǎo袜wà子zi。

"I'm almost there." If your friend says "I'm almost there," you might want to ask: "Where exactly are you right now?" He might still be looking for his socks.

那nà今jīn天tiān也yě给gěi大dà家jiā留liú一yí个gè问wèn题tí：如rú果guǒ你nǐ的de朋péng友yǒu迟chí到dào半bàn个gè小xiǎo时shí，你nǐ会huì生shēng气qì吗ma？

So today we'll leave you with a question: if your friend is half an hour late, would you get angry?

还hái有yǒu，你nǐ最zuì多duō可kě以yǐ接jiē受shòu朋péng友yǒu迟chí到dào多duō久jiǔ？

And what's the longest you can accept a friend being late?

大dà家jiā可kě以yǐ试shì着zhe用yòng中zhōng文wén说shuō一yī说shuō自zì己jǐ的de想xiǎng法fǎ。比bǐ如rú：“迟chí到dào十shí分fēn钟zhōng我wǒ觉jué得de没méi关guān系xì，但dàn是shì如rú果guǒ超chāo过guò半bàn个gè小xiǎo时shí，我wǒ会huì不bù高gāo兴xìng。”

Try expressing your thoughts in Chinese. For example: "I think ten minutes late is fine, but if it's more than half an hour, I'll be unhappy."

那nà今jīn天tiān的de节jié目mù就jiù到dào这zhè里lǐ。希xī望wàng大dà家jiā通tōng过guò这zhè期qī节jié目mù，不bù只zhǐ是shì学xué会huì怎zěn么me说shuō“迟chí到dào”，也yě能néng学xué会huì怎zěn么me自zì然rán地dì表biǎo达dá自zì己jǐ的de不bù高gāo兴xìng、怎zěn么me道dào歉qiàn，以yǐ及jí怎zěn么me回huí应yìng别bié人rén的de道dào歉qiàn。

That's all for today's episode. We hope that from this episode you'll learn not only how to say "be late," but also how to naturally express that you're unhappy, how to apologize, and how to respond to someone's apology.

也yě希xī望wàng大dà家jiā下xià次cì跟gēn朋péng友yǒu见jiàn面miàn的de时shí候hòu，尽jǐn量liàng准zhǔn时shí一yì点diǎn。

We also hope that next time you meet a friend, you'll try to be a bit more on time.

如rú果guǒ真zhēn的de迟chí到dào了le呢ne？

And what if you're really late?

那nà至zhì少shǎo记jì得de说shuō一yí句jù：“不bù好hǎo意yì思sī，让ràng你nǐ久jiǔ等děng了le。”

Then at least remember to say, "Sorry to keep you waiting."

对duì，这zhè句jù话huà既jì自zì然rán，也yě很hěn实shí用yòng。

Right, that sentence is both natural and really useful.

那nà我wǒ们men下xià期qī再zài见jiàn。

Then we'll see you next episode.

拜bài拜bài！

Bye!